Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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