He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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