My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
