Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
