I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize