the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
