i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
