my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
