Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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