Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
