He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
