Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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