I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am one with the molecules
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
