Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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