if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
