hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
