I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
