Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
