what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
