You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
