I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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