let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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