Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
