Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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