You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
