bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i think i have two assholes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
