I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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