so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
