Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
