dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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