its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
