Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
