it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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