So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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