im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I won the penis lottery.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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