my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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