His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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