If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
