The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
