I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
