apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
