When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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