Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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