I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
