I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My ass is underappreciated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
