We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
