how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
