he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
