me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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