Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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