Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
