38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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