Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
