Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
