I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
