Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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