Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
