This girl is more easily done than said...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
