The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We don't watch enough power rangers
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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