i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
