i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
