Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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