I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
